OK! Today I am going to talk about my life. Yes, my happy (?) life. HAHA. This whole school year, I’ve been wondering around, everywhere. I never know who can be an anchor, or a best friend forever that likes me as much as I like him/her. I don’t think I ever had a best friend forever, since I already mad up my mind that nothing lasts forever. I never tried hard to get a best friend until he/she got interested in me enough to keep bugging me and make fun conversations with me. But, this year, something happened. At first I was introduced to you because of my other friends. I don’t know you well, but I want to, and I have no idea why. I know very well you can be a best friend since we get along very well in the start. So I stick around you very so often I’ve grown found to you. I can’t be a part with you, and somewhere in me told me that you don’t want to leave me either. But I guess that somewhere didn’t tell me enough about this feeling that I would tell you about what I am feeling, since we talk about everything that’s on our minds. Actually, I think I was just too chicken out to tell you. And you, my friend, didn’t either. And now I am going to tell how much of a coward I am. I know you liked me, and I am sure I did, too. I don’t have the guts to say it, even when you held my hands, even when you TRIED to tell me you like me. I am not going to blame it n my stupidity this time, even though you tried to tell me what you felt about me by telling a story (hahaaha nice try, stupid). I wouldn’t understand it, because I don’t want to risk myself, even though I am 90% sure you like me, I wanted to be 100% sure. I don’t to have those situations when I think you like me, but actually you don’t. So I guess I convinced myself to a state that if it were not a 100% answer, I wouldn’t take it, or make myself believe it. But, really, whom am I kidding. That is the most stupid act I’ve ever made in my mind. And now, YOU, you are such a coward. Why can’t you just say “Hantine, wo xi huan ni”? Why? For god’s sake!! Why?? You know I liked you, I told you that (in the “hambo” way, which I guess, didn’t work?). But I know you are sure, I wanted to kiss you and you know it. You wanted to, too. You said you would give me your first kiss as a Christmas gift, and you begged me to take that gift instead of getting me a comic book. You know how I felt about you, exactly how, because you felt the same way about me. But we both are cowards, which end us up like this. The day when you saw that message, the one that infers that I could only think of you as a brother, I am sorry for saying that. I didn’t mean it, I was afraid to state out the fact that I didn’t want to be you brother/best friend, because I wanted to be you girlfriend. But that message didn’t have THAT important piece of information in it, but you only saw that unimportant part. I knew I am still not able to explain to you what I am really feeling, because I told myself you wouldn’t believe it, and so, why bother try? BUT, you should know very, very well, that the least thing I wanted is to leave you. I can’t be apart with you. Every time I lie on my bed, looking at the ceiling, I wanted to take a gun and shoot at it, then wish you would appear from the upper floor. And I wish I could see you every single second in my life. And if I can have you back, I would never let go of you again. Actually I never did let go of you. YOU left. So yeah, not my fault. :D Peace out, and that’s it for this a little bit too long journal.
No comments:
Post a Comment